


Petals as soft as our past, thorns as painful as reality.

by NintendoSatoRi



Series: Haikyuu Angst Week 2020 [6]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Flowers, Heavy Angst, Language of Flowers, M/M, Out of Character, Pro Volleyball Player Ushijima Wakatoshi, Sad, Tendou Satori Needs a Hug, only partially
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-06
Updated: 2020-11-06
Packaged: 2021-03-09 05:40:44
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,640
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27419683
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NintendoSatoRi/pseuds/NintendoSatoRi
Summary: Something Tendou noticed, was that flowers had so many different meanings.So many that conveyed love and affection, so many that declared it.And he had always accompanied flowers to happy thoughts.Though later on, he realized that that wasn't always possible.How could he if there were so many sad meanings to them?
Relationships: Tendou Satori & Ushijima Wakatoshi, Tendou Satori/Ushijima Wakatoshi
Series: Haikyuu Angst Week 2020 [6]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1995355
Comments: 4
Kudos: 28
Collections: Haikyuu Angst Week 2020





	Petals as soft as our past, thorns as painful as reality.

**Author's Note:**

> Hello and welcome back to Day 6 of Haikyuu Angst Week 2020!  
> There's not much to say about this fic, except that I got a lot of this information from here, here and here!
> 
> Other than that, sorry for being late once more, and here are the potential trigger warnings for this fic:  
> \- character death  
> \- couples fighting (yes... again)  
> \- very minor violent tendencies
> 
> So, I hope you enjoy the fic!
> 
> Ushiten:  
> Day 6, Tier 1 + 3: Firsts and lasts + "The worst thing, even after everything, is I still love you/I don't regret anything."

Something Tendou noticed, was that flowers had so many different meanings.  
Flowers like red roses, which was an unmistakable symbol of love, flowers like daisies, which symbolized innocence.  
What he didn't know, is that there were so many more earnings for different types of flowers, so much more that he had yet to discover.

And that was where Ushijima had helped him.

Tendou hadn't cared about flowers until Ushijima had brought them into his life in their first year at Shiratorizawa.

Tendou had been sitting in the grass, enjoying the short amount of time that the coach considered a break and basking in the warm sunlight before a shadow covered him. His eyes naturally opened to see what had ruined his moment of delight, only to come face to face with a handful of red and pink flowers and the stern face of Ushijima Wakatoshi, their soon to be ace.

"Hm? What's this? A love confession?" Tendou teased, laughing as he accepted the flowers with slight confusion, allowing the other to sit down beside him. "Why are you giving me flowers, Wakatoshi-kun?"

Ushijima looked at his new, self-proclaimed friend before pointing at the pink flowers.  
"These are alstroemeria flowers. They symbolize wealth, prosperity, and fortune. But they also symbolize friendship, so I thought it would be fitting for our newfound friendship." The words were spoken steadily, his eyes stared into Tendou's as the mentioned suddenly flushed pink.

"What? You put that much thought into flowers, just for me? Thank you, Wakatoshi-kun! And what do these red flowers mean? They're really pretty!"

Ushijima shrugged, even though he was fully aware of the meaning.  
"Those are Amaryllis flowers. I got them because they reminded me of you. Bright, and red."

Tendou laughed again, lightly touching the petals of the flowers and giving a small nod.  
"Makes sense. Thank you, Wakatoshi-kun, this is probably the nicest thing that's ever happened to me."

Ushijima nodded, stayed beside him until they had to get back into the gym for more practice.

\--

The next time Tendou cared about flowers was by the end of their second year. Ushijima had knocked on his dorm room door, and Tendou was surprised to see a bouquet of pink roses and tulips with a white flower in the middle.  
"Jeez Wakatoshi-kun, you know you don't have to go all out for me! Don't empty your garden from all the flowers." Tendou mused, felt the tip of his ears go bright red as he pushed the door open for his best friend to come in. His heart was racing. How could it not when Ushijima was bringing him flowers? It was the main reason that Tendou fell in love with him.

"So? What do these mean?" Tendou asked, looking at the flowers with a happy smile. They were always so fresh and beautiful.

Ushijima cleared his throat, glanced away for a moment before looking at Tendou.  
"The pink roses convey things like admiration and gratitude. The white flower is a Gardenia flower that tells the receiver that they are lovely. The tulips... they are to declare love."

If Tendou hadn't been stunned to silence, he would've teased the other for suddenly acting all awkward and bashful.

Instead, his face burned up, turning the same shade of his hair as he tried to keep his composure.  
"Wakatoshi-kun, I need to get one thing right here... Are you confessing to me?"

"Yes."

And then Ushijima was engulfed in a hug, lips haphazardly pressed to his cheek.  
"Tendou, are you accepting-"

"Yes! You big doof, I would've thought that me hugging you and kissing your cheek would've been enough for you to tell!" Tendou was laughing, smiling, pressing yet another kiss to the other's cheek.

Ushijima seemed all the more confused.  
"Is that so? I wouldn't have known, you hug me all the time and you have kissed my cheek before. I would suggest an alternative way, to show that it isn't platonic."

Tendou sighed, looking at Ushijima with an amused facial expression.  
"And what would that be?"

Ushijima stared directly into Tendou's eyes.  
"A kiss to the lips, perhaps?"

And Tendou was surprised by the other once more.

\--

It was on their graduation day that Tendou received more flowers from Ushijima, a bouquet of purple being handed to him by the end of graduation.

"Toshi? What do these mean?" Tendou asked with a bright smile plastered on his face as they walked around their school campus for the last time before they had to leave.

Ushijima took Tendou's hand in his, pressing a gentle kiss to it.  
"Those are hydrangea flowers, used to express gratitude for understanding a person. So, truthfully, thank you for understanding me, Satori."

Tendou felt tears spring up to his eyes, nodding as he lightly nudged the other with a hum.  
"And those other flower types?"

"These ones here are lavender roses. They express adoration. The other two are statices and stocks. Statices symbolize remembrance and other things, such as success while stocks symbolize a happy life and lasting beauty."

Tendou's eyes spilled the tears he had held in, though his smile was bright as he kissed Ushijima, not needing another word from him as their love expanded further and further.

_A life together, our love as beautiful as a fully grown rose, the colors surrounding us as vivid as the bright red of the rose._

\--

But it was unknown back then, that things would take a drastic turn outside of highschool and university.

While they still were in university, it was still perfect. Ushijima continued bringing flowers to Tendou, explaining it to them while Tendou made little chocolates for Ushijima to try.  
It was wonderful, their love was thriving.  
They were so madly in love, so perfect for each other. And yet, somehow, that perfection still wasn't enough.

Because as Ushijima focused on his volleyball career, he left Tendou in the dust.  
Tendou found himself waiting longer and longer for his boyfriend to come home from practice, the soft chocolates he had melting as they waited out on the tatami table for Ushijima to taste and give feedback on.

Tendou found himself staring at the empty vase that stood in their kitchen, once filled with bunches of daffodils, lilies, or red chrysanthemums.

It wasn't long before their first arguments started. It started with the cold shoulder, which left each other annoyed and on edge. Following that, a snarky remark that left the other frustrated. Then, a give and take that resulted in dead silence between the two as one stayed in another room.

It kept building up, kept making the reactions of the other worse and worse. Soon, the nights that they were together for once was filled with raised voices and frustrated tugs at their hair. It went on until the apartment was filled with yelling, Tendou needing Ushijima to understand that he too was human, that he couldn't just accept Ushijima coming home late because they made practice longer again without a single text message. Tendou needing Ushijima to understand that he was worried, that he couldn't be kept up late at night because he wasn't sure where his boyfriend was, wasn't sure what was happening. Needed Ushijima to understand that he too had to give for their relationship to work, for their relationship to be healthy. That he couldn't focus only on volleyball when he had a boyfriend to love as well.

Eventually, Ushijima brought Tendou incessant yelling to a pause.  
"Tendou."

Shocked to silence, the redhead stared at Ushijima. Hearing his surname pass his boyfriend's lips felt wrong, always so used to hearing him say Satori. He felt confusion rush through his body, felt tears suddenly spilling because this didn't feel normal. Their heated arguments always felt like thorns of a rose digging into his skin, always felt like they were scratching down his arms. But that, hearing his surname that Ushijima promised to replace with his own one day, pass his lips felt like someone stomping down on a fresh rose. A rose that had been so healthy and blooming being stepped on, crushing the flower as they twisted their shoe into it so that all that was left was broken petals and a red mark on the ground.

"You cannot expect me to focus any less on volleyball than I am right now."

Tendou felt the anger rising. Was Ushijima being serious right now? All he needed was at least one night of the week that he could spend with his boyfriend, a text message telling him that practice would go on for another hour or two.

He opened his mouth, ready to spew back words except it was shut right back as Ushijima continued.

"If you truly believe that I would choose anything over volleyball then you are truly mistaken Tendou. If you want me to pick between you and my career in volleyball to flourish, you should be fully aware that I will pick my career."

Tendou was at a loss of words, eyes widened at what his boyfriend said.

"... Wakatoshi, you can't be serious. This isn't you, you care about people. I understand you and even you wouldn't be so heartless. Therefore, this can't be real." Tendou gave a chuckle, dry, and hollow as he stared at the other.

Ushijima stared down at him, eyes cold and unmoving.  
"Well, maybe I was mistaken to have said you understood me in the first place."

Tendou felt his eye twitch. "You know what, Wakatoshi? Maybe you're right. Because I would've never tried to be friends with you or accepted your stupid flowers and confession if I had known that you'd be such a self-absorbed, self-centered, egotistical prick!"

He only felt more anger as Ushijima nodded.  
"In this case, I know it's best for us to split. I'll be out of your life and this apartment by tomorrow."

Tendou gave the sweetest smile as he spat back, lips pulled too far back and teeth showing too much.  
"Good. I better not see any of your things here."

Ushijima stared at him, tense composure showing through his eyes.  
"You won't."

And as Tendou awoke the following morning, true to his words, nothing of his things was left.  
Well, except one.

Tendou walked into the kitchen, stopping in his tracks as he saw the vase filled with black roses and a single yellow flower, a note tucked underneath it all.

_I felt no need to write you a note, but alas, here I am.  
Tendou, I will never apologize for choosing my career over you. You should have been aware of how much volleyball means to me since day one, I would have expected you to know with your attentiveness. I suppose I had a wrong perception of you, just as you had a false one of me._

_This is my farewell gift to you._

_Black roses. They symbolize the end of a relationship, the death of it.  
And ours seems to have ended right then and there.  
A yellow carnation, expressing disdain, rejection, and disappointment._

_Goodbye Tendou._

Tendou felt more boiling hatred, letting out a yell as he threw the vase to the ground, watched with satisfaction as the petals got soaked in the water, the vase breaking apart and becoming as hazardous as the thorns on the rose stems.

Perhaps he really did never understand Ushijima.

\--

But that didn't stop Tendou from watching a few matches, waiting anxiously as he stared at the screen in front of him. The one thing he was glad of is that their breaking up didn't end up being for nothing. Ushijima did make it to the national team, and he was good too.  
In a way, Tendou was happy for him, even if he still felt pain from that time.  
Of course, he had been heartbroken because of their breakup. He loved Ushijima, more than anything.

A whistle brought his attention back to the screen that was in the corner of his chocolate shop.  
What was happening?

Tendou listened closely, glad that no customers were in at the moment, his heart pounding in an uncomfortable way. Something about the murmurs he heard in the live crowd felt wrong.

His hands went to grab his phone, trying to look up any information about them being late. Was a flight delayed? The hotel didn't book them in right?

Tendou's eyes widened as he found something, published only a few hours ago.  
Oh.

His hands began to tremble as his eyes reread the information given to him.

Tendou was quick to close the shop for today, not wanting to serve his customers when his eyes held so much pain.

Not after what had happened.

\--

Tendou felt eyes on him as he walked up and stood in front of the crowd, could see the whispers of them as he spoke. He could feel the stares as he sat back down, staring at Ushijima's face.

It was the only picture they had of him smiling.

He stared at the flowers adorning the framed photo, noticed the different types of flowers. white lilies and yellow chrysanthemums, symbolizing mourning.  
Even though he had thought that they were positive, that they meant innocence, joy, and long life, they were the flowers being used at Ushijima's funeral.

Tendou almost scoffed at the irony of them.

How unbelievable that this was a thing, especially when Ushijima was always so exact with flower meanings.

It almost felt insulting.

\--

He stood in front of the freshly washed gravestone, his name imprinted in it.

Tendou held flowers in his hands, the colors ranging from warm colors to cold. He couldn't be sure anymore as he smiled slightly at the gravestone, his tears dropping on to the petals.

"... Wakatoshi-kun."

He took a deep breath, glanced at the single rose at full bloom in his chest pocket before looking at this arrangement of flowers.

"I brought you flowers. And if we hadn't broken up and if you had still been alive, I know that you would've told me that none of the colors properly matched." Tendou laughed quietly, but the only feeling conveyed was pain and misery.

"I did my research, I promise I did. So let's start, shall we?" Tendou sat down in front of the grave, placed a purple hyacinth on the cold stone.

_I'm sorry. Please forgive me. Sorrow._

He stared at the purple flowers before adding a red rose, tears falling freely. He couldn't say anything. But he knew that Ushijima if he was watching over him right now, would know the meaning of these flowers.

_I love you._

A tea rose.

_I'll always remember._

A primrose.

_I can't live without you._

Lily of the valley.

_You've made my life complete._

A pink camellia.

_I long for you._

A forget-me-not.

_True love, memories._

An Iris.

_Your friendship means so much to me._

A thornless rose.

_Love at first sight._

A magenta zinnia.

_Lasting affection._

A sweetpea.

_Goodbye._

Tendou stopped, pulled out the flower in his chest pocket carefully as he held it close to his chest.  
He looked at the gravestone with a smile so broken.

"You know? The worst thing is that even after all of this, after everything that happened between us and in general, I still love you. So much, Wakatoshi-kun."  
He whispered, placing the single, full bloom rose beside all the other flowers.

"I still love you so much." 

His voice cracked, allowing himself to cry beside the other, pretending he could still feel the warm embrace of his arms before it all went wrong.

He felt hours pass by the soreness in his muscles, the popping in his bones as he stood up, looking at the grave.  
And somehow, he found the courage to smile.  
How could he not when he saw blue violets grow around the gravestone?

_I'll always be there._


End file.
